You’re the Reason Why I Hate You

Last week was a weird week. It was weird for a few reasons but, one of the main reasons was that I agreed to meet a guy that I met on Tinder. To some, this is already a weird scenario. Meeting someone you don’t know?! Isn’t that dangerous?! In this day and age!? Yes. Yes, bad things can always happen. But, my general rule of thumb is that if you don’t look like I can easily overpower you in a physical altercation, I’m not interested in you. This makes meeting strangers much safer.

It began, as all things do on Tinder, with a right swipe. This guy was extremely attractive and way out of my league. I say that because, being part of the online dating scene has really helped me to understand my demographics. In all honesty, I do pretty well for myself, but there are always those one-off situations when you’re pretty sure they were drunk when they swiped because there’s no other logical explanation for what’s happening. Anyway, apparently we were both drunk and swiped right and got that inspiring “You’re a Match!” message, that brings the promise of a new beginning with your future ex-boyfriend/girlfriend. I was expecting, however, for that to be the end of it. For me, I would say about 90% of my matches end at that. People are just matched and never reach out. I NEVER reach out because I’m a lady. And I always say something weird that I think is funny but that, literally, never gets a response. But, the next day, this guy sent me a message.

Right off the bat, I was suspicious of this character because, in his very first message he called me beautiful and used the heart eyes emoji. I immediately assumed I was being cat-fished by the girl who used to live next door to me in elementary school, who I was mean to. I just knew she had found me, somehow, and was plotting her revenge. But, I remained hopeful and I messaged the guy back. Trust me, if you saw this guy, you’d be hopelessly hopeful too. We continue messaging and the entire time he keeps complimenting me. Like everything about the way I look. And there were so many emojis. All of it seemed too good to be true, but I kept messaging him and agreed to meet him the next day after work.

I was telling a friend, who is a romantic, about all of this and she was excited for me. She said that I was ridiculous for thinking that he was a catfish and “of course you’re beautiful” blah blah blah. We decided that because he was so attractive and was so focused on what I looked like that he was, probably, very boring and that I would totally have the upper hand in our future relationship. She’s a good friend. She eased my mind and helped me to get excited for my super casual after work drink date thing.

The next day, I very carefully planned out my look. Something that was flattering and showed off my best assets without being slutty and looking like I was trying to hard. I decided on the perfect black dress that was ideal for work and happy hour. All throughout the day, at work, I had a hard time focusing because I was so excited. Again, did I mention how good-looking this guy was? We messaged throughout the day and said how excited we were to meet each other. It was kind of gross, to be honest.

Finally the time had come to meet. We had decided to meet at the Chambers St. subway stop that was between both of our offices, and then we would go to a bar. My manager made me swear to text her as soon as we sat down, so that she would know where I was in case I got abducted. After I promised her about five times that I’d keep her updated, we parted ways and I went to the intersection. He messaged me earlier that he was running late because of a meeting. No problem, I’m an adult with a smartphone; I would be fine to wait. He messaged me again saying that he was on his way. Awesome, this will be great. We agreed to meet at 6:45 and so I was there waiting. And waiting. And waiting.

7:00- “Maybe he’s on the subway now, so he doesn’t have service.”

7:05- “Man, this guy is really late. This is kind of annoying.”

7:10- “This is the absolute worst thing ever and I think I’m just going to jump in front of this bus.”

7:15- I check my phone to send him a message and ask if he’s alive. When I refresh my page I see that HE HAS UNMATCHED ME AND HAS DISAPPEARED FROM MY ENTIRE LIFE.

Are you kidding me? Like, are you fucking kidding me?! Did this just happen!? Did I just get stood up on a blind Tinder date?! Did I just type that sentence? I can’t even describe the amount of sheer rage that was inside of me, at that point. I have never been so furious at a stranger before. And I live in NYC and take public transit regularly.

On the subway ride back to my neighborhood, I went over everything in my head and how I knew it had been a joke the whole time. As far as I could tell, one of two things had happened: he had shown up at the intersection, saw me, and decided that I wasn’t that “gorgeous” after all. Or, he’s the kind of person who never had any intention of meeting me, in the first place, and was just sitting on his couch watching anime porn the entire time. Either way, he’s an asshole who purposefully made a decision that hurt another human. He caused me to doubt myself when I have absolutely no reason to do that. I know that I am a smart, funny, kind, attractive person and I do not need validation from a stranger to know that. But, in that moment I did and it killed me.

Once I got back to my neighborhood, I decided to stop by my favorite bar, where some friends were hanging out. I told them what happened and the bartenders, who I also know, immediately poured me my favorite drink. I stayed for a while and ended up having a really great night. When we left the bar, our stomachs hurt from laughing so hard so, in the end, everything was fine and I am so thankful for the wonderful people in my life. But you better believe that I have that guy’s face seared in my brain and if I ever run into him, I’m going to punch that motherfucker right in the throat.




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